Therapists are there to embrace the whole you! The good, bad, ugly, kind, messy, silly, sad and happy. Many clients may commence therapy with the thought of wanting to be ‘fixed’ or to find and learn strategies to make the discomfort and pain in our lives go away. Especially if they have been struggling with pain from trauma, grief, a break up or any major upheaval in our life causing stress and overwhelm. Our natural tendency will just want the feelings associated with these circumstances to be removed or to somehow reduce them. However, therapy is there to teach you how to ‘sit with pain and discomfort’.
There is so much growth within us that we can derive from life changing and stressful moments. Therapy can help us dig deep and learn what unpleasant feelings are trying to teach us about ourselves. Trauma will happen, pain will happen, life happens. There is no way to minimise its effects. During major changes or trauma in our lives, therapy shows us that it’s ok to be sad, angry, anxious, depressed or ‘just out of sorts’. When we tell ourselves that ‘I don’t want to feel this pain’ or to simply ‘get over things’ it only hurts us more. When we get stuck in trying to fix ourselves this can often result in feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. We tell ourselves that what we are feeling and thinking is dysfunctional, it can become worse if we compare ourselves to others. Our attempts to want to fix ourselves or quell unpleasant feelings and emotions can often become the problem itself.
So, what do therapists do when clients are feeling this way? Or how can they help?
We try to get you back in touch with your true self. We try and find the parts of you that are hidden beneath feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, rejection, anger, sadness and inadequacy.
We may use multiple differing modalities of therapies to help you in this reflection to cope with unpleasantness.
Cognitive behavioural strategies will help challenge current unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. If this is not helpful then, Schema techniques can help delve deeper and will look into early childhood experiences and maladaptive schema’s (which are deep seated patterns of thinking and feeling) that may be driving or impacting current surface issues.
Acceptance and Commitment therapy helps you accept your thoughts and feelings without judgement by focusing on the present moment. This modality also helps you develop psychological flexibility in your thinking to make difficult choices that align with your values.
Dialectical behaviour therapy is another modality that helps you manage and sit with difficult feelings and emotions; it can be similar to cognitive behavioural techniques. This type of modality will also assist you with building better communication strategies that improve your interpersonal and professional relationships.
So before commencing therapy, know that we are not here to ‘fix you’ or remove discomfort. We are here to find the parts of you that are fueled by love and openness, not fear. We help you reflect and find meaning in the range of feelings and emotions you are experiencing and how they are impacting your current circumstances.
Sure! Certain cognitive and behavioural strategies can be employed to help alleviate some unpleasant thoughts and emotions; however, this must come with your collaboration to enact these strategies in the real-world environment. These strategies may seem simple in theory but can be hard to enact in real world settings and we must not expect an immediate pay off. ‘Sitting with’ and coping with difficult emotions and feelings takes practice, time and support
Often it will require multiple differing approaches to explore and reflect on both your surface level concerns and more deep- seated ones, but it is well worth the journey to invest in your healing and the maintenance of your well- being.
So, reach out today.
Contact us to make your first appointment today on 0479 149 277.