The concept of Emotional Intelligence has been around for decades and involves the ability to be ‘smart about feelings’ – both our own and other peoples. Having emotional intelligence is about being able to notice, understand (empathize) and act on emotions in an effective way.
There are 5 key components of Emotional Intelligence:
1. Self-awareness – The awareness of how and what one feels in a particular moment and understanding how their mood can affect others.
2. Self-regulation – Controlling how one feels when they respond to their emotions, and consider the possible consequence of acting on impulse.
3. Motivation – When one accomplishes goals in spite of negative feelings they may be experiencing.
4. Empathy – Understanding how others feel (putting yourself in someone else’s shoes).
5. Social Skills – Being able to manage interactions and relationships, and know the type of behaviours which will get a positive response from others.
The building of Emotional Intelligence in children is essential for the child’s overall development. Think of it as being as important as laying the brick foundations in building a stable house. The stable house is the adult that child will become. It is their future, their relationships, their social interactions, and feelings of connectedness with those around them. Developing emotional intelligence helps children recognize, understand, and manage their emotions, as well as empathize with others. It equips children with skills to handle stress, resolve conflicts, and build strong relationships, both personally and socially. By fostering self-awareness, emotional regulation, and social skills, emotionally intelligent children are more likely to exhibit resilience in difficult situations, succeed in school, and grow into compassionate, confident adults. Emotional intelligence is ultimately a key component in promoting mental health and well-being throughout life.
So what are some of the things we can do as parents, caregivers, teachers, or anyone who is involved in supporting our children, and guiding them to be the best versions of themselves for tomorrow?
1. Model Emotional Awareness - Children learn by observing their parents. By expressing your own emotions in healthy ways and discussing how you’re feeling, you set an example of emotional awareness.
2. Providing Education Surrounding Emotions – Help children identify and name emotions. This can be done firstly by exploring each of the different emotions using a feelings/face chart (i.e., happy, angry, worry, disgust). Then you can explore what might create these feelings (situations/scenarios), and where they might be felt in the body. Additionally, encouraging your child to use the face chart at times when they are emotional is a helpful tool to facilitate effective communication.
3. Labelling Emotions – Helping your child label their emotions as they occur. For example, when you see your child crying and throwing their toys after being denied extra ‘TV time’, you can say “I see you’re feeling angry and disappointed because you can’t have extra TV time”. This helps your child understand what they are experiencing.
4. Encourage Empathy – Teach children to recognize and care about others' emotions. Ask questions like, "How do you think your friend feels?" or "How would you feel if that happened to you?"
5. Practice Active Listening – Show children that their feelings are valid by listening to them without judgment. Acknowledge their emotions and respond with empathy, rather than quickly offering solutions.
6. Teach Problem-Solving Skills – Guide children through identifying solutions to challenges, especially in social situations. Encourage them to think about their options and the possible outcomes of their actions.
7. Provide Safe Spaces for Emotional Expression – Create an environment where children feel safe to express their emotions freely. This can be done by reassuring them that it’s okay to feel and express anger, sadness, joy, etc.
8. Use Praise Wisely – Praise not just achievements but also emotional effort, such as being kind, calm, or thoughtful. This reinforces emotional skills.
9. Encourage Mindfulness and Self-Regulation – Teach calming techniques such as deep breathing or counting to ten, which help children manage strong emotions like frustration or anxiety.
10. Create Opportunities for Social Interaction – Help children practice emotional skills in real-life settings by encouraging playdates, team activities, or group tasks that foster communication, cooperation, and emotional exchange.